[Reviews - 520] Liked
Summary:

This story deals with childhood sexual abuse. If you are triggered by content related to that, do not read this story.

"Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks." (Matthew 12:34)

The gates to the compound stand open: heavy and wooden, in need of sanding and varnishing. Daryl stops his bike on the dirt track and squints through the evening haze at the sign just inside the sprawling property. Brethren of the Blessed Spring, in faded, peeling black letters. There used to be words beneath those, a Bible verse, maybe. But all that remains on the weathered board are specks of paint, faint grey smudges. On the gates, he notices, is the name of the compound, two letters on each gate so the name is displayed when they are closed: Elim. Daryl tries the word in his mind. It moves like something shutting, the syllables forbidding entrance.

Unable to get another job in the small town where he lives, Daryl goes to do maintenance work for the Brethren of the Blessed Spring in Colorado. Hoping for peace, for a routine without disturbance, he instead finds himself caught up in the lives of the community--particularly that of the head elder's wife.


Rated: E
Categories: Alternate Universe
Characters: Carol Peletier, Daryl Dixon, Ed Peletier, Merle
Genres: Angst, Drama, Hurt/Comfort, Romance
Warnings: Adult Language, Attempted Rape, Carol/Other (Temp), Character Death, Child Abuse, Domestic Abuse (Actual), Domestic Abuse (Implied), Dubious Consent, Rape (Actual), Rape (Implied), Sexual Situations, Violence
Series: None
Chapters: 73 Completed: Yes
Word count: 287584 Read: 19140
Published: June 17, 2023 Updated: January 20, 2024



Print or Download Story: Printer Microsoft Word ePub eBook
Story Notes:

This story deals with childhood sexual abuse. If you are triggered by content related to that, do not read this story.

Cross-posted to AO3.

Thank you for giving this a try. Before you begin, you should know that it will get quite dark quite quickly, in ways which are not immediately clear from the opening chapter. Please note the warnings, and please read with care. If you are triggered by any of the themes or occurrences, stop reading, or don't read in the first place. 

I will update characters as I go, because I am undecided at this point on the full cast.

The Brethren of the Blessed Spring are not based on any one religious group. They are a figment of my imagination, based on personal experience as well as research into a variety of religious sects. 

I am not American, I have never visited America, and though I try to correct to American English in usage if not spelling, I don't always get it right. If something jumps out, please drop me a review so I can change to more common American usage. 

1. Chapter 1 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 14] Liked (5141 words)

Thank you for giving this a try. I hope you'll stick around for more. A hefty first chapter, but subsequent chapters will likely be a little shorter.

Warning for ableist language for this chapter and all subsequent chapters.

2. Chapter 2 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 8] Liked (4416 words)

Thank you if you're reading, and thank you for the reviews Heart

Read the warnings before you read the chapter, please. Stop reading if you're triggered.

3. Chapter 3 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 9] Liked (3890 words)

Sorry for the wait for this chapter--fandom excitement ate into all the time I wasn't working on Monday and Tuesday :)

Thank you for the reviews Heart Starting a new story is always amxiety-inducing, and it's nice to know people might eventually be invested.

4. Chapter 4 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 8] Liked (4270 words)

Thank you for the reviews, and for giving this a try Heart

The warnings--read them, please.

5. Chapter 5 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 10] Liked (3560 words)

Thank you for reading, and for the reviews Heart Please note the warnings and the rating.

6. Chapter 6 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 7] Liked (3536 words)

Sorry for the delay on this one. I'm having some weird writing issues (I think eagerness to write ahead instead of laying the necessary groundwork) and also not sleeping enough. Hope to update a bit sooner with the next one!

 

7. Chapter 7 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 9] Liked (3792 words)

Thank you for the reviews Heart Not the quick update I'd hoped.

I really loved writing this chapter.

8. Chapter 8 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 11] Liked (3600 words)

Thank you for the lovely reviews, and for reading :)

9. Chapter 9 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 10] Liked (3895 words)

Thank you for the reviews, and for reading. This chapter and the next one are upsetting, and you should pay attention to the warnings.

10. Chapter 10 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 9] Liked (3668 words)

Thank you for the reviews on the last chapter, and for your patience for this one.

This is bad, but it's as bad as it's going to get. Please read the ALL THE WARNINGS, read with care, make adult choices for yourself. Trigger warning for ableist language.

 

11. Chapter 11 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 12] Liked (3484 words)

Sometimes I forget to mention how much your reviews mean--when the writing is difficult, they're my whole motivation for pressing on. Thank you Heart

 

12. Chapter 12 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 9] Liked (3687 words)

Life and work conspired against me, but AT LAST I am uploading. Thank you so so so much for the reviews--they are deeply appreciated Heart

13. Chapter 13 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 9] Liked (3581 words)

Thank you for the reviews, and for reading. 

I'm hovering at the edge of a new trigger warning, which I'll give when it becomes necessary. In the mean time, please note the story warnings, which cover all the triggers in broad strokes except ableist language, which I mark separately on chapters containing it. Know your own limits Heart

14. Chapter 14 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 12] Liked (4013 words)

Thank you for your patience, and for the reviews!

15. Chapter 15 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 8] Liked (3593 words)

THE STORY DESCRIPTION AND WARNINGS HAVE BEEN UPDATED.

Thank you for reading, and for the reviews. 

TRIGGER WARNING for child sexual abuse in this chapter. If this triggers you in any way, do not read this chapter, and ideally stop reading this story altogether. I have, under the guidance of the site mods, included in-story warnings in the form of WARNING WARNING WARNING before the relevant sections of the story. Please note that I have discussed posting this chapter with the mods, and do so with their permission on the condition that I follow specific guidelines.

16. Chapter 16 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 9] Liked (3636 words)

Thank you for reading, and for reviewing a chapter that was so hard to read. 

TRIGGER WARNING for references to child sexual abuse again in this chapter, which I will mark in the story itself. 

17. Chapter 17 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 9] Liked (3334 words)

Thank you for reading, and for the reviews Heart

Trigger warning for mentions of childhood sexual abuse. Please read the story warnings. There is also an in-text warning.

18. Chapter 18 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 9] Liked (3827 words)

Thank you for getting this far, and for your reviews, which mean a lot to me. Sorry for the somewhat sluggish pace at which chapters are going up.

TW for ableist language.

19. Chapter 19 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 7] Liked (4335 words)

Thank you for reading, and for your reviews, which are always deeply appreciated.

20. Chapter 20 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 6] Liked (3707 words)

I did not think I'd get this up today, but I am excited to be posting it! Please heed the warnings for the story.

TW for ableist language.

21. Chapter 21 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 8] Liked (3803 words)

Eventually I'll break the hurt-comfort cycle, but today is not that day. Thank you for the reviews, and for reading Heart I really loved writing this one.

22. Chapter 22 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 8] Liked (3655 words)

I'm sorry for the wait for this one! And sorry in advance for taking a few days to update with the next chapter--I have a bad work week ahead. As always, thank you for reading and for the kind reviews Heart They make my day.

23. Chapter 23 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 6] Liked (3988 words)

Sorry it's taken so long to update. It's been a shitty week. 

Trigger warning for birth trauma in this chapter, and by "birth trauma" I mean the full range of what that might imply. Read with care or skip it, please.

24. Chapter 24 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 7] Liked (4141 words)

This took longer than it should have--sorry! Thank you for the reviews. They make all the difference.

25. Chapter 25 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 8] Liked (3642 words)

Thank you for the reviews Heart Having been mojo-less for a couple of weeks, I feel it returning. Thank you for your patience.

26. Chapter 26 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 8] Liked (3387 words)

Thank you for the kind reviews. I'm posting this just before a meeting so I might not get time to reply now, but they made my day.

Please heed the warnings.

27. Chapter 27 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 6] Liked (3513 words)

Thank you for the reviews, and for reading. Please overlook any geographical inaccuracies. I have limited mental capacity for such research.

Reminder to heed the warnings.

28. Chapter 28 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 9] Liked (3796 words)

Thank you for the reviews! I'm at the point in this story where, as in every story, I start worrying about pacing, and as a result everything slows down almost to a standstill. Sorryyyy.

29. Chapter 29 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 7] Liked (3511 words)

Sorry about the wait for this one. I'm looking forward very much to writing the next bit, despite being filled with anxiety about whether I'm still achieving emotional realism here (*breathes into paper bag*).

30. Chapter 30 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 6] Liked (4714 words)

Thank you so much for the kind comments, and for reading if you still are Heart It frustrates me not updating so quickly on this one. 

Please note the warnings for this story.

31. Chapter 31 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 8] Liked (3430 words)

Hoped to get this up sooner--thank you for waiting! 

Please heed the warnings.

32. Chapter 32 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 9] Liked (3827 words)

Sorry for the delay posting this one! Thank you for the reviews, which give me life.

33. Chapter 33 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 7] (3617 words)

I hate how long it took me to update this. I had a lot of other writing to do this week, so I was writing fatigued, and then got a cold. Please bear with me as i get back into this properly. I always feel like it takes a couple of chapters for me to write easily again after a delayed update.

Warnings apply. Please read with care.

34. Chapter 34 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 6] Liked (3707 words)

Thank you for the reviews and the messages Heart

35. Chapter 35 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 7] (3712 words)

Thank you for your reviews on the last chapter, and for sticking with this story. I had a plot breakthrough the other day while sitting in the traffic, I'm pleased to report.

 

36. Chapter 36 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 6] Liked (3365 words)

I'm so enjoying writing this at the moment, and I'm frustrated by whatever other writing work keeps me from it :) Thank you for the reviews, and for reading Heart

37. Chapter 37 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 5] Liked (3814 words)

Thank you for reading, and for your reviews. This one is kind of lopsided.

38. Chapter 38 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 6] (3266 words)

Thank you for the encouraging reviews. I know the last chapter was hard in places. This one is equally lopsided and slow, I"m afraid, but I hope you enjoy some of it.

39. Chapter 39 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 7] Liked (4165 words)

Thank you for the reviews, and for reading. 

40. Chapter 40 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 6] Liked (3323 words)

Thank you for the reviews, which have motivated me this week. 

41. Chapter 41 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 7] Liked (3562 words)

I genuinely meant to update this sooner, but I wasted two days on social media...

This was a difficult chapter to write and will likely be hard to read. Warning for violence.

42. Chapter 42 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 6] (4059 words)

Trigger warning for mentions of CSA in this chapter.

If you are in a medical field, I beg you to forgive any wild inaccuracies and give me some points for watching videos of surgeries on YouTube, a decision which I deeply regret.

Thank you for the reviews, and for reading.

43. Chapter 43 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 6] Liked (3443 words)

Thank you for the reviews. I'm trying to fit a lot in here, but I promise the misery will eventually relent.

As with the last chapter, please forgive medical inaccuracies. 

44. Chapter 44 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 5] (3608 words)

Thank you for reading and reviewing. As this chapter will remind you, we're not yet 24 hours beyond Daryl being discovered, so things are still pretty shit. And much as I know everyone wants to get to the lighter bits, I've slowed right down because there are other, hard things I want to explore here. Alas, you are at the mercy of this excruciating drip drip of chapters; if it gets too difficult, save some up to read in one go, and know that I appreciate every one of you who is bothering to read at all.

45. Chapter 45 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 6] Liked (3411 words)

Thank you so much for the reviews, and for reading, and for waiting.  Heart

 

This chapter was weirdly difficult to write and felt like it was 10k words and not 3k, I think because of interruptions at pretty much every step, including the editing. So please forgive lazy missed errors.

46. Chapter 46 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 5] (3437 words)

Thank you for reading, and for the lovely reviews Heart I'm going to reply to reviews next time I update. Lots of Carol crying in this, sorry...

47. Chapter 47 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 6] (3602 words)

Thank you for reading and reviewing Heart I realise I have dragged you at snail's pace through a LOT. I'm hoping to speed up / time jump a little after this chapter, while also trying to keep hold of the many plot threads I have for some reason introduced. Of course, I guarantee nothing, because I haven't started writing the next chapter yet.

48. Chapter 48 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 3] (3620 words)

Thank you for the reviews Heart I am racing the clock, so I will reply when I next update.

49. Chapter 49 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 6] Liked (3982 words)

I love writing this story so much at the moment, and I've escaped everything by disappearing into it for hours at a time thanks to an easy work week. Thank you for enabling my habit by reading and reviewing! Heart

50. Chapter 50 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 5] Liked (4266 words)

I'd hoped to post this yesterday, but I ended up sleeping a lot of the day, and then this morning Pages somehow lost the entire last third of the chapter. 

Thank you for the reviews. They bring me great joy, and every time I read one from someone who has just discovered this fic and is enjoying it, I grin for the rest of the day.

51. Chapter 51 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 6] (4853 words)

This chapter has had me like a Ben Affleck meme for days and I'm glad to be rid of it. Sorry for the delayed update! And thank you for the encouraging reviews, and for reading.

I think part of what I struggled with was reminding myself what Daryl and Carol have actually discussed since he woke up, and what they haven't, and what he still doesn't know and what he does (this is why people make notes, I guess...). ANYWAY.

52. Chapter 52 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 5] Liked (3792 words)

Thank you for the encouraging reviews, and for reading. This one's been going on for a while now, and I appreciate you sticking around.

53. Chapter 53 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 6] Liked (3478 words)

Sorry for the wait for this one! Thank you for reading and reviewing, and I hope you enjoy this chapter.

54. Chapter 54 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 6] (4494 words)

I have had a crazy week, and I am sorry for another slow update. I hope you can remember how the last chapter ended. Thank you for the encouraging reviews, and for reading, and happy Thanksgiving if you celebrate it.

This is a pretty dense wall of dialogue and everyone has been trapped in the apartment forever, and every section is marked by people waking or sleeping as it has been now for AGES. Sorry about that. 

55. Chapter 55 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 7] Liked (4047 words)

I keep thinking life is going to calm down and it doesn't -  I guess it's that time of year. Apologies for the delay on updating!

56. Chapter 56 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 6] Liked (3923 words)

Thank you fpr reading, and for the reviews :) Hoping to update a little more regularly in the coming weeks.

Trigger warning for discussion of fertility and conception.

57. Chapter 57 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 6] Liked (4222 words)

Thank you for the comments on the last chapter, and for reading. You'll be terribly surprised to hear this chapter is pretty angsty and grim. 

58. Chapter 58 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 7] Liked (3655 words)

I did not think this chapter would be so hard to write. 

Thank you for the encouraging comments and reviews, and for reading Heart I appreciate you all an enormous amount.

Trigger warning for all things pregnancy related.

59. Chapter 59 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 6] Liked (4155 words)

This took ages, because I was wrapping up work and then tracking filming, which reduced my attention for everything else to that of a gnat. It's good to be posting again. Thank you for the reviews and the encouragement, and for reading. 

I initially intended a time jump in this chapter, but I didn't feel I'd dealt adequately with the immediate aftermath of the news.

60. Chapter 60 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 7] (3961 words)

Six months, sixty chapters. I promise this will eventually end. I'm working on some final plot issues, by which I mean I'm thinking about them as I fall asleep each night.

I tried not to overthink this one.

61. Chapter 61 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 5] Liked (4147 words)

Thank you for the reviews, lovely Carylers. Probably the last chapter before Christmas, and I hope those of you who celebrate have a wonderful time.

62. Chapter 62 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 8] (4953 words)

This is a very busy chapter, and longer than usual, but things have been pretty quiet for a while now, so...buckle up.

63. Chapter 63 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 4] (4692 words)

Thank you for reading and reviewing. I realised writing this chapter that I'd named both Shane's son and Det Moodie "Caleb", which I feel is very true to life but also sorry about that...

The FBI does, in fact, use "Good Samaritan" civilians for undercover and similar work in particular cases. 

64. Chapter 64 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 6] Liked (4960 words)

Thank you for reading and reviewing, and sorry for back-to-back cliffhangers. Multiple warnings apply to this chapter; please reread the story warnings before proceeding.

65. Chapter 65 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 8] (4860 words)

Thank you for the reviews, and for reading if you still are Heart And Happy New Year if you're celebrating.

66. Chapter 66 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 6] (4388 words)

Thank you for your patience for this one Heart And for reading and reviewing.

67. Chapter 67 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 5] (3793 words)

This was meant to be something other than smut, but I fear it went off the rails somewhat. Oops.

Thank you for the kind words on the last chapter Heart I appreciate every review and every comment so much.

 

68. Chapter 68 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 7] Liked (4234 words)

Thank you for the kind reviews and comments, and the encouragement. This picks up right where the last chapter left off.

69. Chapter 69 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 5] (4522 words)

Thank you for the thoughtful and kind reviews Heart

70. Chapter 70 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 5] Liked (4762 words)

This chapter gave me such hassles and I wrote the first draft while I was sick, and trying to write defiantly through a raging headache. I have edited it extensively, but please forgive any awkwardness in the writing.

Thank you for reading, and for your comments and reviews Heart

71. Chapter 71 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 7] Liked (3636 words)

I was going to write Christmas, but I didn't get there. I wrote you Christmas Eve instead.

Please activate Magic Time regarding Carol's pregnancy, because I forgot last chapter to calculate how pregnant she was relative to Thanksgiving etc, and now it's too late and God knows how many weeks she'd be at Christmas. All I know is I'm not going back to work it out. I estimate she's around twenty weeks in this chapter. PLEASE ENJOY and thank you for the reviews and encouragement of all kinds Heart

72. Chapter 72 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 4] (3904 words)

This is the penultimate chapter; the next one will be the last one. I hope it doesn't feel abrupt (laughs in 270k words). Endings always feel a little violent to me, because when I'm in the story it feels like it'll last forever.

Anyway--thank you for reading, and for the wonderful reviews.

73. Chapter 73 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 8] (5822 words)

Heart