Summary:

AU. Daryl has worked at the Waterhole Hunt Lodge in South Africa for a decade, trying to find a way to escape a history he doesn't know how to process. Carol and her husband arrive with a tour group, and her presence threatens to drag Daryl back into his past.

Rated: E
Categories: Alternate Universe
Characters: Carol Peletier, Daryl Dixon, Ed Peletier
Genres: Angst, Drama, Hurt/Comfort, Romance
Warnings: Adult Language, Carol/Other (Temp), Child Abuse, Domestic Abuse (Actual), Domestic Abuse (Implied), Rape (Actual), Sexual Situations, Violence
Series: None
Chapters: 43 Completed: Yes
Word count: 166327 Read: 16733
Published: January 06, 2022 Updated: March 02, 2022

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1. Chapter 1 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 10] (3294 words)

Please note the warnings and rating. This is a hard start.

2. Chapter 2 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 10] (4168 words)

No Ed, just Caryl in this one.

3. Chapter 3 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 11] (3746 words)

I'll slow down on this, but I'm just finishing isolating with a COVID-stricken kid, so I've had lots of time to write. TW for references to child and domestic abuse in this chapter. Will the whole story be one long angst-fest? Very possibly, sorry. Brief appearance by Ed in this chapter.

Thank you so much to those who have reviewed. Comments of any kind, including constructive feedback, are not only welcomed but loudly celebrated.

I've been using words as synonyms which are not, in fact, synonyms, and I'd like to acknowledge that here and also say I have no interest in correcting myself. A game farm and a game reserve are not the same thing, and neither does "game ranger" accurately describe the patchwork job I have assigned to Daryl. Kindly suspend your disbelief if you're well acquainted with the universe I'm using.

4. Chapter 4 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 12] (5745 words)

Please note the rating for this story. TW for domestic abuse, but I promise that the next chapter will be lighter and happier and closer to what Carol and Daryl deserve, for the most part. They've got shit to work through but still. This would have been out sooner, but I got distracted and wrote a later chapter.

Thank you so much for reading and reviewing and encouraging me. I am enjoying writing this so much, although I continue to be amazed by the inconsistent dogshow which is my use of accent markers in direct speech.

SAfrican terms in the end notes.

5. Chapter 5 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 9] (3869 words)

Well, this wasn't exactly the laugh fest I anticipated, but anyway. In homage to the show it's going to me ten years of writing to reach Caryl canon too. Kidding. But also not kidding, because these two are not simple people.

Thank you for reading and reviewing, which I appreciate more than I can say here. Please note story rating. Nothing awful in this chapter. Ed is offstage trying to shoot things with a hangover.

6. Chapter 6 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 10] (3982 words)

TW for violence and implied child abuse in this chapter. I'm starting to get a sense of where this is going and how it's getting there, which is a relief. Thank you so very much to those who have read and reviewed. My dopamine depends on you.

There are people who can write clean and visually evocative fight scenes, and then there is me, wading through a swamp of pronouns. Consider yourself warned.

South African terms and some context in the end notes. I am spatially challenged at the best of times and I'm sorry if expressions like "a hundred metres away" are confusing, but I don't even know what unit to convert that into - feet?

Sometimes (often), I’m too tired to do an eleventy-sixth proof immediately after I’ve posted to the site, and my apologies to those of you who read before I come back and do it, particular those who may have been puzzled by Daryl glancing at Carol “from beneath his fridge” in the last chapter. 

7. Chapter 7 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 8] (3523 words)

Warning for references to child and domestic abuse, and the aftermath of violence. These two can't seem to catch a break (that aspect of this fic is fully canon, at least...), and it's going to get a bit worse before it gets better, but please don't stop reading. I promise they'll eventually be roasting marshmallows and singing Kumbaya around a campfire. Or something. The next chapter will contain an infinitesimal amount of fluff for relief.

South African terms in the end notes.

Your reviews light up my life. Thank you.

8. Chapter 8 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 8] (3764 words)

Warnings apply as usual - references to domestic abuse and a reference to a sexual situation. Next chapter, the wild dogs are back, and so is the angst. Buckle up. This one, while likely overwrought and smacking of a cheesy high school essay in places, is low on angst.

We're having a godawful heat wave so I'm getting no sleep - please forgive any extra errors.

9. Chapter 9 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 10] (4078 words)

I'm slightly embarrassed by how quickly I'm posting chapters, but work has started slowly and I can't stop writing and editing this (to the exclusion of virtually everything else, which is also embarrassing). Real life will eventually catch up with me and I will slow down to a more leisurely and dignified pace. 

PLEASE pay attention to the warnings for this and the next few chapters. See end notes for additional warnings for this chapter, and South African terms.

Thank you, thank you for reading and reviewing, lovely Caryllers.

10. Chapter 10 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 10] (5103 words)

WARNINGS APPLY. Extra TW in the end notes.

Thank you for reading and reviewing. 

11. Chapter 11 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 9] (3669 words)

Welcome to the other side, and thank you for coming. Warnings apply - this chapter deals with the aftermath, so be aware that it may also be triggering.

A note about accuracy: This is a work of fiction but one in which I strive, as far as possible, to represent a convincing reality. This means - for me - researching where necessary and then manipulating that research gently to match my own ends. 

There were calls for Ed to be devoured by wild animals after the last chapter, and I fully support that and would greatly enjoy writing it. But I struggle to read fics that take huge unlikely leaps for the sake of resolving logistical issues (of which Ed is one), and regrettably the likelihood of a luxury game lodge guest being eaten alive is extremely, extremely small :( 

Onwards. Thank you for sticking with me, and for reading and reviewing. I appreciate every comment so much.

12. Chapter 12 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 13] (3759 words)

Wow, it's a trip writing something in which you can't really go back and edit plot details after posting. Last night I lay around the house reciting lists of Plot Issues To Be Dealt With to the family and moaning quietly in distress. On a similar note, when I have the time and the nerve, I'll reread this whole thing and die quietly because of continuity errors; meanwhile you are all very kind not to have pointed them out.

Thank you for sticking with me if you're still reading. We're nearly there. Warnings apply to this chapter, largely to the first section, but there are ongoing references to violence and domestic abuse in the latter part. 

South African terms in the end notes.

Your reviews are the highlight of my life, I do not kid, no matter how brief they are. Thank you for taking the time to comment 

13. Chapter 13 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 8] (3591 words)

Thank you for your kind and considered comments on the last chapter - they were reassuring and heartwarming and I appreciated them so much.

Real life has commenced, and it is really cutting into my time, so this one was proofed in fragments in between interruptions - apologies for any lingering errors. Warnings apply, but you already knew that.

South African terms in the end notes.

Thank you for reading, and please let me know what you think.

14. Chapter 14 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 11] (3364 words)

Yesterday was a mojo-less and chaotic day, and your reviews were manna from the GODS. Thank you for reading and commenting, and please don't stop.

Extra TW in the end notes. Content warnings apply as always; please read with caution.

15. Chapter 15 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 9] (3805 words)

Have I mentioned how much I love your reviews? They are literally the difference between me collapsing facedown on my bed and sitting up until midnight writing, and they bring me so much joy and reassurance. Thank you for taking the time to tell me what you're enjoying, or finding difficult.

The usual warnings apply. South African terms in the end notes.

Thank you for reading and reviewing!

16. Chapter 16 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 9] (3514 words)

Thank you for your thoughtful and generous and kind reviews. I'd be a more productive person overall if I could have every aspect of my life reviewed so considerately at regular intervals. I so appreciate those of you who are still reading, or who have given this a go on a whim. Please don't stop.

Warnings apply. 

17. Chapter 17 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 10] (3618 words)

Thank you for your reviews on the last chapter. I loved writing every word of it, and your feedback genuinely moved me.

We're in the middle of another ungodly heatwave and I edited this sitting wrapped in a wet towel in front of a fan. Please forgive any lingering errors. On that note, I had to trawl through this whole fic the other day when I realised, with sickening horror, that I had misspelled Hershel's name throughout.

South African terms in the end notes. Warnings (Lite) apply as usual.

18. Chapter 18 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 9] (3674 words)

Happy Monday! And thank you for reading, and for your kind and articulate reviews, which bring me much joy.

Warnings apply.

South African terms in the end notes.

19. Chapter 19 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 6] (3458 words)

Welcome aboard the angst train. It has many tiny carriages. I give no apology, because if you’ve read this far (thank you thank you) you know what to expect, but please reread the warnings, which apply to this chapter. 

Thank you for reading and reviewing. Your thoughts and comments make me write better and consider each choice more carefully. And they make me grateful for you all.

Yesterday after posting, I had to go back in almost immediately to correct a continuity error – please tell me if you find any. As this gets unwieldier and I persist in making notes on the backs of my daughter’s drawings instead of in a sensible place, I sometimes forget my own timelines and dates.

South African terms in the end notes.

20. Chapter 20 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 6] (3599 words)

Thank you for reading and reviewing 

Lite Warnings apply, but only very barely.

21. Chapter 21 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 11] (3914 words)

This chapter and the one which will follow are closely linked, so this is really half a chapter; but if I hadn't broken it here my head would have exploded. It may yet. I would love to know what you think of this one because I wrestled with parts of it for an entire 24-hour period (I mean I realise that's actually not very long at all? But still) and have lost all objectivity at the time of posting.

Thank you for reading, and for your reviews, which keep me going.

Warnings apply to this chapter, please read with care.

South African terms in the end notes.

22. Chapter 22 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 9] (3419 words)

Thank you for all the love for the last chapter. I have waited so long to get there - just to that tiny little inch forward - and it meant a lot that you felt the same way I did when it happened. You are lovely to read and to review, and I appreciate it enormously.

I spent half of today writing some, er, fun scenes from well ahead of this chapter, and then I got all hot and bothered and still had to come back and try to write coherent dialogue. 

South African terms in the end notes. Lite Warnings. 

23. Chapter 23 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 9] (3479 words)

Thank you for reading and reviewing, lovely Caryllers  You make me happy.

Warnings apply.

24. Chapter 24 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 10] (4037 words)

When I started this story - admittedly with maybe four clear scenes in my head - I thought it would be a maximum of 24 chapters long. Well, I'm not quite done, sorry. Thank you for reading this far, and for reviewing - your comments motivate me more than anything else except my desire to get to a totally smutty chapter (already partially written) at some future point.

References to domestic violence in this chapter. Further on that in the end notes, along with South African terms.

25. Chapter 25 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 8] (3503 words)

Thank you for reading and reviewing. I say it every time, but that's because it's as true now as it was after the first two chapters - your reviews make my day, every day, and they make me think more carefully and work harder. So thank you for being kind and insightful and generous in commenting.

Warnings apply. Pretty much always.

26. Chapter 26 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 8] (3512 words)

Thank you for reading and for reviewing, good people. I agonised over much of this coming chapter (more in the end notes), and I hope you enjoy the final version - please let me know 

 Warnings apply.

27. Chapter 27 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 6] (3676 words)

Here is a chapter in which I did my absolute darnedest to keep it light. This is not a story which lends itself to lightness, but I really tried. 

Thank you for reading and reviewing, lovely Caryllers. 

28. Chapter 28 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 6] (3752 words)

Thank you for reading and reviewing  Knowing that someone, anyone, is enjoying this as much as I'm enjoying writing it makes me so happy.

This isn't longer than usual, but it's very dense, or it felt that way while I was editing it for the millionth time. Have a cup of tea.

South African terms in the end notes. I hope you like this one.

29. Chapter 29 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 10] (4314 words)

This is your reminder that this fic is rated E for explicit.

Thank you for reading and reviewing and making me think about these characters so hard. Left to my own, anxious devices I might never give them any kind of resolution, but one is at last taking shape, and an end is in sight, although I have no idea how many more chapters will take us there because I keep thinking I'm super efficient and then I stretch one day over four chapters.

I hope you enjoy this one. I did.

30. Chapter 30 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 9] (4564 words)

Thank you for your patience while I performed my duties as a real-life person yesterday. I did manage to write half a chapter on the side of a hot sports field while school children ran races, but couldn't finish it, so here's a longish one to make up for it.

Warnings apply.

Your reviews give me life, people. Thank you for taking the time to comment - I love hearing your thoughts and concerns. And thank you for reading this far 

31. Chapter 31 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 6] (4222 words)

Warnings apply. This chapter gave me hassles (more on that in the end notes), but then it surprised me and ended somewhere unexpected. I hope there are elements here that you enjoy.

Thank you for reading and for all your love for this story. I will mourn it when it eventually ends, and your reviews, and comments elsewhere, are so amazingly supportive and encouraging 

South African terms at the end.

32. Chapter 32 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 6] (3377 words)

Thank you for reading and reviewing, and I hope you enjoy this one, despite the fact that warnings apply. Please also note the rating for this fic.

33. Chapter 33 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 8] (3500 words)

Me: I'm taking two days to spend in deep contemplation of this fic's future.

Also me: Whoops, I wrote a chapter.

Thank you for reading and reviewing, and please let me know if you're still with me 

TW in the end notes, and sorry, I have been unforgivably slack about these because they are so numerous. 

34. Chapter 34 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 6] (4322 words)

Thank you for reading this far, and for reviewing the last chapter and reassuring me on the subject of smut to plot ratios. I appreciate you all very much indeed.

South African terms in the end notes.

TW for references to domestic violence.

35. Chapter 35 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 8] (3496 words)

The end is nigh, friends. I anticipate there will one or two more chapters after this one. 

As always, thank you for reading, and for reviewing. 

36. Chapter 36 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 9] (3675 words)

Sorry (not sorry) about yesterday's chapter. I tried to get this one out as fast as possible, but was impeded by family commitments and houseplants in crisis and my need for at least three hours of sleep a night.

Thank you for reading despite the heavy angst, and for reviewing. Some of you engaged with me on Twitter and Tumblr too, and it means a lot to me that you care what happens as much as I do 

I am going to need at least a couple more chapters to write myself to a suitable conclusion, so please ignore yesterday's rash prediction, and all future such predictions because clearly I know nothing about my own process.

37. Chapter 37 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 7] (3653 words)

Thank you for reading and reviewing, good people.

38. Chapter 38 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 8] (3519 words)

I know I said to ignore future predictions, but I'm almost entirely certain that we're going to hit a nice round 40 chapters on this. I forced my husband to listen to me talk through a 37-chapter emotional arc this evening so I could ask him a single question at the end, and if he ever reads this (he won't) then high five, A, you answered well.

Thank you for reading and reviewing and sticking with this for so long. 

It is midnight here. Please forgive typos.

39. Chapter 39 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 8] (3691 words)

ETA: I am away this weekend, and though I intend to spend a lot of time writing I will also be taking breaks to watch wild horses graze and swim in a lake and sit around a firepit and shout at my children to get outside into naychuh and put down their devices; so I cannot say when the next chapter will go up, but know that I am on it in every free moment.

Thank you for your reviews, which have led at this point to a Pavlovian situation where I am motivated to write as soon as I see a review in my inbox (the inverse is depressing and reflects badly on me as well-rounded and well-adjusted human being, alas). And thank you for reading these many, many words.

TW for references to domestic abuse. This is a densely narrative chapter, a moving chapter in the sense that I am propelling the characters in various directions and in various ways, but I hope it's still readable.

It's midnight again. Please forgive my errors.

40. Chapter 40 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 8] (3739 words)

You'll be unsurprised to hear that my casual prediction of a 40-chapterer was incorrect, so now I'm just keeping quiet.

Thank you for reading and engaging. I hope you're still here this far in.

SAfrican terms in the end notes. TW for references to domestic abuse, and also for a really awkward fight scene.

41. Chapter 41 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 6] (3927 words)

I've been meaning for about three chapters to mention that when I'm about to work on this story, or when I've just finished a chapter and am doing mundane tasks requiring no concentration, I listen to the same three songs on repeat, and the mood of this story will forever be a weird mash-up of those songs for me - less the lyrics (except for the U2 one) than just the mood. For those of you who like to listen to music while you read, they are:

All Too Well (Taylor Swift)

One Headlight (The Wallflowers)

Stuck in a Moment (U2)

And then my kids insist we listen to We Don't Talk About Bruno for balance, which may have spilled over somewhat without my realising.

Thank you for reading, and please review if the urge takes you. We're nearly there, but as is my wont with all things, I have started slowing down and savouring it, both wanting to wrap it up and not.

South African terms in the end notes.

42. Chapter 42 by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 7] (5899 words)

Settle in, make a cup of tea - this one's a bit longer than usual.

Thank you for reading, and for reviewing  Please don't stop.

South African terms in the end notes.

43. Epilogue by Lighteneverything [Reviews - 19] (3814 words)

I must begin by apologising for taking a few days to get this epilogue up. I delayed starting to write it, because I did not want to finish Room to Run; and then it started writing itself in my head and I had no choice in the matter any more. I am not good at endings, in life or in writing, and I could fiddle with this for many days more. But I hope it satisfies you as it is, and that the journey to get here was worth it. 

More in the end notes. Thank you for reading.